Dear Abby: Pretending to like couple we can’t stand
Dear Abby I want to end a relationship My husband and I met a couple through mutual friends about three years ago We are years older than they are and live an hour away When the mutual friends moved away we thought that would be the end of it but this couple pursued a friendship and guilted us into making the long journey to hang with them stating that we were their only friends Then we learned that they were having a child in their s They now have two children I have raised my children and I m no longer interested in being around toddlers Between the distance and the unenjoyable company I want to end it I think ghosting them would be tacky and I want to tell them honestly and gently that we no longer want to visit My husband disagrees He thinks we should continue the charade to our immense displeasure Advice Southern Disconnection Dear Disconnection I disagree with your husband The predicament with playing charades is that not all the players are able to decode the pantomime Save yourself a world of frustration in addition to the money you are spending on fuel and tell the couple that it s time for them to make friends with other parents of young children in their region Explain that you have raised a family and the trip is onerous for you which is why you are calling a halt to it If you are their only friends as they have stated it is significant that they cultivate relationships with other parents if only so their children can form relationships with other children Dear Abby I m a member of Alcoholics Anonymous A fellow AA member suffered critical injuries in a motorcycle accident not long ago and had been in the ICU for several weeks I visited the hospital regularly bringing cookies and offering advocacy to his girlfriend who is also in the scheme During my last visit I unknowingly arrived at the exact moment doctors began withdrawing life encouragement I had no idea it was going to happen and witnessed the kind of raw grief that comes in moments like that Afterward I hugged his girlfriend and quietly left Only later did I learn that a multitude of in our AA group knew he was being taken off life endorsement that day I am now devastated I worry that his girlfriend and family think I exhibited up intentionally intruding on such a deeply private painful moment I m afraid I caused harm where I only meant to help I don t know when I ll see her again to make amends How do I come to terms with what I ve done Heartbroken in Oklahoma Dear Heartbroken You must not blame yourself for something you didn t know During the weeks you visited that man and his girlfriend at the hospital I am sure you brought comfort to the girlfriend and any family member you encountered The next time you see her tell her how sorry you are for her loss that you didn t realize how close her boyfriend was to the end and apologize if your presence caused anybody pain I am sure it did not Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren also known as Jeanne Phillips and was founded by her mother Pauline Phillips Contact Dear Abby at www DearAbby com or P O Box Los Angeles CA
