Dear Abby: Little white lie explodes into big deal

DEAR ABBY I m struggling with the end of a friendship that has meant the world to me for majority of my life My best friend of years in the past few days married someone she had known for only a scant months I was surprised how hastily things moved but I respected her decision and was genuinely happy for her During one of our last meaningful conversations she assured me she would let me know when a wedding date was set because she sought me there A sparse weeks later I accidentally discovered that not only had a date been chosen but there is also a wedding website clearly showing the event was planned and certified I was not invited When I brought it up gently she flat-out denied that anything had been finalized I felt hurt confused and dismissed The dishonesty and secrecy feel like a betrayal after everything we ve shared over the past years Being excluded from such a major life event and then lied to about it feels like the final straw I m torn between mourning the friendship and wondering if I m overreacting Is there any coming back from this kind of hurt Or is it time to accept that our relationship is over LEFT BEHIND IN THE EAST DEAR LEFT BEHIND You are not overreacting It appears your friend s little white lie turned into a whopper I can t blame you for feeling hurt at the way you were treated There could be several reasons why you were left off the guest list Not knowing your old friend I can t guess which Neither can you since she chose to lie instead of level with you Whether this should end your long relationship is up to you Certainly you need to rethink anything she tells you in the future if there even is a future DEAR ABBY I am remarried to a widower whose first wife died years ago On the anniversary of her death he reaches out to her siblings to announce how much he loved her I find this unsettling I would have thought that this was understood by all of them during their marriage He was a devoted husband Am I wrong in thinking this unnecessary and hurtful CURRENT WIFE IN PENNSYLVANIA DEAR WIFE You are entitled to your feelings but please stop comparing your marriage to the one your husband had with his late wife Although yours may be a happy one it isn t identical to the one he had with her A lesson I have learned later in life is that love doesn t end when a partner dies Because your husband deeply loved his first wife doesn t mean there is less for you For him the message he sends to his former in-laws feels necessary Please try harder not to make a predicament where there isn t one No anniversary message will bring the woman back DEAR ABBY After my father passed away I started doing various family genealogy Everyone including family thinks he was a great WWII hero But while researching military records I discovered it was all a lie In my opinion he committed stolen valor Do I tell the truth or let sleeping dogs lie TRUTHFUL IN THE WEST DEAR TRUTHFUL Your father has gone to his great reward If you feel the record should be set straight show your family the research you did and tell them the truth Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren also known as Jeanne Phillips and was founded by her mother Pauline Phillips Contact Dear Abby at www DearAbby com or P O Box Los Angeles CA Abby shares more than of her favorite recipes in two booklets Abby s Favorite Recipes and More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby Send your name and mailing address plus check or money order for U S funds to Dear Abby Cookbooklet Set P O Box Mount Morris IL - Shipping and handling are included in the price